Monday, 27 September 2010

Jokes still allowed at Barnet Council

With the news today that Barnet council have banned mother-in-law jokes, I feel I should point that Barnet is far from being some sort of humourless place as it is often portrayed in some sections of the media.

Indeed, some jokes are positively encouraged at Barnet.

Take the recent leadership contest. Without doubt they were just fooling around in staging a leadership contest where some young upstart nearly takes the crown from such an established councillor. We were never really going to believe that of course - but it shows that humour is alive and well at Barnet. And what about the deep irony implicit in the massive pay hike joke voted through by Coleman's Conservatives. As if anyone could really be that greedy? How we split our sides. And of course there's the long-running and much-loved comedy partnership of Brian Coleman playing the straight man to Robert Rams' buffoonery that keeps us laughing all the way to the polling booths.

So now, in tribute to Barnet Council's comedy genius, and in line with the new policy of the outlawing of mother-in-law jokes, I'd like to present to you a selection of Brian Coleman jokes that I stole adapted from
the Sun newspaper's joke page. NB - that link is NSFW if you work for Barnet council - but these, on the other hand, are perfectly acceptable:

LAST week my wife and I went to buy a car and the salesman asked if I wanted an airbag. I said: “No thanks. I already have a Brian Coleman.”

WHAT’S the difference between Brian Coleman and a vulture?
The vulture waits until you’re dead before it eats your heart out.

I TOOK Brian Coleman to Madame Tussaud’s chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said: “Keep her moving sir, we’re stocktaking.”

DID you hear about the man who threw Brian Coleman into the lion’s den at the zoo?
He’s being sued by the RSPCA for cruelty to animals.

WHY did Brian Coleman cross the road?
I don’t know, but it was an ugly sight.

WHAT are the two worst things about Brian Coleman?
His faces.

I HAVEN’T spoken to Brian Coleman for 18 months ? I don’t like to interrupt him.

I ALWAYS know when it’s Brian Coleman knocking at the door ? the mice throw themselves in the traps.

Brian Coleman and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met


  1. and then we have:

    Brian Coleman was bitten by a dog yesterday.
    -How is he?
    He's fine, but the dog died ...
    etc etc

    - there must be a good BC/MIL substitute lightbulb joke out there?

  2. i never forget a face, but in Brian Coleman's case, i am willing to make an exception...

    how many brian colemans does it take to change a lightbulb?
    none, he always gets Robert Rams to do it

  3. Surely the answer to "Why did Brian Coleman cross the road" must be "To get a free dinner"

    What do you get if you cross Brian Coleman with Robert Rams?

    An image in your head that will put you off your breakfast.

  4. He's told me to take him off his mailing list, parting is such sweet sorrow.

  5. Brian was recently wined and dined (the meal was declared by Brian) by 'Four Communications'.

    They must have felt they got good value from the meeting, since they then sponsored a fringe meeting at the Conservative Party conference.

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